Gosh you fools don’t think unless I shove a stick up your arse do you?
Well take a look, here’s the stick!
I’m on tour this year. These are my tour dates. Look at this list and see if I’m going to be anywhere near you:
June 11 and 12 – Manchester
June 23 and 24 – Birmingham
July 8 and 9 – Newcastle
August 26 to 28 – Zurich
Early September – Antwerp and Germany TBA
September 26 to October 25 – Thailand
November 17 to 24 – Dubai
December – South Africa dates TBC
You don’t see your country or your area on that list? Well, frikking book me to come see you privately then. I do do that you know!
You will have to pay for:
– 1st class plane ticket in advance
– Hotel booking made and paid in advance. 5 star and above only!
– Daily Mistress presence rate of £1500
– Shopping sprees a must!
Don’t waste my fucking time telling me how attentive you are blah blah yakkity yah! I want money! I want to spend! I want to have a 5 star luxury break where even my farts will feel pampered. So don’t waste my time….
And just for being such losers! And not being proactive just because I haven’t had your dumb asses on remote control daily you are sentenced to sending me $50 tribute NOW!!!! just for reading this message in fact!
What you lookin’ at? Do it now!
Now I got your attention….
Come and see me when I am on one of my wonderful tour dates near you.